The Deterioration of Self-Intimacy & Mystery: A Conversation on Modesty and Better Reason Why We Should Embrace it

Modesty is a term that often sparks intense reactions. For some, it’s a trigger word that stirs defensiveness, prompting them to avoid defining it and instead express frustration or rejection of times when someone has made us feel small. Modesty, as defined by the Cambridge dictionary, is the quality of not talking about or not trying to make people notice your abilities and achievements. But most commonly, it is an old-fashioned term that describes—the quality, in women, of dressing or behaving in a way that is intended to avoid attracting sexual interest. Traditionally, modesty and privacy have been seen as cornerstones of personal dignity, guiding how we navigate through society. These concepts have long been upheld by societal norms, creating boundaries that distinguish what is acceptable in public versus private spaces. However, we are now witnessing a cultural revolution that is rapidly dissolving these boundaries, leading to an erosion of privacy as we once knew it.

In this revolution, the lines between public and private are no longer clear-cut. Social media platforms encourage us to share more, to expose more, to live more openly—often blurring the distinction between what should remain personal and what is okay in the hands of the public. As these boundaries shift, so too does our understanding of modesty—and the prioritization of our autonomy. But definitively how is our autonomy actualized? What does owning our bodies look like? How does it vary? It is no longer simply about how we dress or behave but about how much of ourselves we are willing to share with the world. I think that our task should be to express ourselves while feeding our spirit rather than just our egos when we decide to share.

This transformation forces us to confront challenging questions: Is this erosion of privacy a step forward in embracing authenticity, or are we sacrificing something essential in the process? Are we becoming more “liberated”, or are we merely conforming to new societal pressures that demand constant exposure and instant gratification?o As we push these boundaries, the very nature of modesty is being tested—whether for better or worse, only time will tell. But one thing is certain: the conversation around modesty and privacy is far from over, and its implications will continue to shape the way we live in the digital age.

In a world increasingly obsessed with visibility, intimacy and mystery have become casualties of our desire to be seen, heard, and validated. The quiet moments, the unspoken thoughts, and the parts of ourselves that once thrived in privacy are now laid bare for public consumption. But what have we lost in this trade-off?

This conversation becomes even more critical when we consider the impact of adultification bias on young girls. Adultification bias refers to the tendency to perceive children, particularly Black and Brown girls, as older and more mature than they actually are, which often results in them being held to adult standards of behavior and responsibility. This bias strips young girls of their innocence and places undue pressure on them to conform to societal expectations of maturity, often at the expense of their well-being and safety.

In a world where visibility is increasingly equated with value, young girls are often encouraged—directly or indirectly—to present themselves in ways that align with adult norms, even when they are not emotionally or mentally prepared to do so. Social media and pop culture contribute to this by glorifying a certain image of maturity and success, one that often emphasizes physical appearance and public exposure over personal development and private reflection.

Inspiring young girls requires us to challenge the narratives that equate visibility with worth. It is crucial to teach them that their value is not determined by how much of themselves they reveal to the world, but by how they feel about themselves when the world is not watching. This is where modesty, in its truest sense, becomes empowering—it offers girls the freedom to choose what they share and what they keep for themselves, fostering a sense of control and self-respect.

Modesty should not be seen as a restriction or a form of repression, but rather as a form of autonomy. It’s about reclaiming the power to decide how, when, and with whom to share aspects of oneself. For young girls, this means understanding that it is okay to crave privacy, to set boundaries, and to protect their personal space in a culture that often demands constant exposure.

For women and girls, the challenge is to find a balance between modesty and visibility that does not compromise their safety or self-worth. This balance can be taught by redefining success, promoting body autonomy, challenging adultification bias, and creating safe spaces where girls can express themselves without fear of judgment or exploitation.

Ultimately, we must teach young girls and women that it is okay to crave modesty just as much as visibility. The two are not mutually exclusive but are both essential to a healthy sense of self. In a society that often pushes for more exposure, the ability to choose modesty is a powerful form of resistance and self-care. By embracing this duality, we can inspire a new generation of women who are confident, autonomous, and unafraid to define their own boundaries.

As we continue to navigate this boundary-less world, we must ask ourselves: Are we truly more connected, or have we simply become more exposed? And in this exposure, what are we sacrificing in the name of progress? The answers may shape not only our digital identities but the very essence of our personal and collective experiences. In this relentless push for visibility, we must consider the lasting impact on our sense of self and the future we are building for the next generation.